Dear Man on Dating Site Who Thinks He's a Dom,

Being a dom doesn't mean you try and guilt trip a woman into showing you her vagina, jackass. That's some hs level shit. I suspect you are another victim of 50 shades. If you like, I can introduce you to some REAL doms who will smack you with their strap ons until you understand. And that's if they like you.

Dear Men on Dating Site Complaining about "Being Judged,"

This is a pretty common complaint, which is hilarious. Look rejections hurts. I know that. But the solution to that particular problem is NOT that I should get to know every guy who takes an interest so as to avoid hurting your precious feelings. Not only would that be really time consuming and potentially unsafe (you have no idea some of the offers I get), but it's also a waste of time FOR BOTH OF US not just me. I know the "win me over" scenario is so romantic, but in the real world it's annoying and rarely works.

The real answer is you have to accept that not everyone who you are interested is going to be interested in you. And that's ok. Trying to shame them for not being interested? Only reaffirms that they were right to pass you over to begin with.

tl;dr: act like you have a pair and move on

Dear Man on Dating Website Who Doesn't Know How Vaginas Work,

Asking me how big is "too big" is not a question "for dating purposes" nor does it have anything to do with my height. Vaginas are elastic and can expand to accommodate a goddamned baby.Women depending on many factors (technique, arousal, etc) enjoy different sizes and girths, but it has nothing to do with how fucking tall they are.

As a side note, men with large penises never ask this question of random chicks online. This is usually the tactic of a delusional and small dicked man who desperately wants to believe that size doesn't matter. (It does. The motion of the ocean might be important, but she better know you have a canoe in the water first.)

But, and this is the most important thing I can tell you, if you think that height and vaginal accommodation are linked, you need a lot more help than a dating site can offer you. This is probably the real problem. That you don't know what the fuck you are doing down there or how any of it works. There are, I am sure, wonderful online resources for that. Go find them.


For readers, below is an actual screen shot of exchange:

Dear Men On Dating Site Who Don't Like Cats,

I have 2 cats. It's in my profile that I have 2 cats. I put it in my profile so if you have a problem with cats,, maybe, and this is just a thought, don't contact me. I don't know what you're thinking but if it's "She'll get rid of her cats to date me." No. If that's a deal breaker, be honest....and fuck the fuck off.

Dear 21 Year Old on Dating Site,

1st of all, this was never gonna happen for you. But it REALLY wasn't going to happen for you after you told me YOUR MOTHER IS MY AGE AND THAT YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH HER. 2nd you might be a little "above my echelon"? Really? Because your screen name is a reference to Nietzsche? Yeah, you're TOTALLY above my level because you're a 21 year old who knows Nietzsche. But somehow you don't get why a woman might not warm to someone with that screen name. Clearly you are my intellectual superior. 3rd you are in fucking ARKANSAS. What are you thinking, oh brilliant one? That I'm going to give up my life to date some yahoo in ARKANSAS?!

Get some humility, some therapy, and some sense.